Hard To Get

I asked several single men about what they found the most frustrating about dating. As a woman with many single friends who have shared our frustrations about dating with one another I felt like should find out what men find frustrating about dating us ladies.

There were a wide variety of responses, but one thing in particular was consistently sited as the most annoying thing about dating women.

Just to establish some guidelines I first asked each guy if he was looking for a long-term committed relationship or just to score. Almost all of them were genuinely interested in finding one woman to date, maybe even have an exclusive long-term relationship with. Most of the men I talked to had been on a lot of dates, had even been or still were serial daters and I eliminated those who just ranted about an ex for lack of getting anything useful from them to share.

The thing that most annoyed the men when it came to dating was a woman who acted aloof, and generally disinterested. I asked for specifics and got:

• I had to make all the plans
• I had to keep the conversation going
• I could never tell if she was interested in me or not

Ladies, playing hard to get is likely to get you nothing. Men are not looking for a too cool for school woman, who has an “I couldn’t care less” attitude. It may work for the ladies in the movies, but an aloof attitude is not going to work for you.

If you are interested in them, let your date know. Smile, make conversation and periodically ask how they think the date is going. I always end a first date with, “So how did you feel like this went? I really enjoyed myself and felt like we connected.” Or, “It was nice to meet you, but I don’t feel like we really connected.” That way he has no illusions to what my feelings about him and the date are.

If you are not sure about someone, trust your gut and don’t accept a date and then go all in. Help plan the date, make conversation, listen attentively and be brutally honest (without being cruel) about whether or not you’d like to see that person again or not. How can you expect to get a second date if they are not clear on your enjoyment of this date or desire to see them again?

If you are afraid of sending the wrong message (if I am too friendly he’ll want to have sex with me) or are afraid of rejection, you can let go of those notions right now. If he is just looking to hook up you’ll be able to tell right away and can politely decline and end the date right away. If he doesn’t want to make another date, he doesn’t know you well enough to really be rejecting you personally. You need to let it go and move on.

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