When do you have sex for the first time? It’s on everybody’s mind after the first date and there is a second date scheduled. When is too soon? How long should you wait?
This is a highly personal decision that every one of us is going to be making in our dating life. If you’ve been single and dating for a while, you have probably already made some mistakes in that area. If you are a veteran dater, you may still be trying to figure that out. It’s a tough call sometimes.
We all have our personal and moral beliefs about sex. Unfortunately, they may be nothing like your date’s personal and moral beliefs about sex. Therefore, I feel comfortable in saying, waiting longer is better.
Now you’re thinking: how long? “I am lonely and my hormones are ragin’!” Or; “if I wait too long he/she will just find somebody else.” These two thoughts alone are very good reasons to wait before you jump into a sexual relationship with someone. As unromantic as it sounds, be pragmatic about the whole sex thing. It carries a lot of weight, especially in the early stages of a relationship.
Nothing is going to be more of a let down than unsatisfying first sexual encounter. Trust me, I know what I’m saying. It brings awkwardness and a depressing air to a new relationship in a hurry, if one or both of you do not enjoy the first sexual encounter.
Why would that happen? Well, for starters, you don’t really know the person that well after a couple of dates. Conversation has probably been pretty superficial up until that point and that’s not a good way to go into a sexual encounter. You need to have talked about sex, A LOT, before you actually have it.
There’s just the common sense aspect of, being safe. You should discuss your past sexual history, not gory details, of course, but what your views are on the matter. It’s perfectly acceptable in this day and age to ask someone to get an STD free report back from a doctor before you engage in sexual activity. If you just can’t bring yourself to do that, then you need to ask your date, point blank, if they have ever had a sexually transmitted disease and if they have always practiced safe sex. Carefully study the body language and if you have any suspicions that the person is lying to you; proceed with caution.
You must also be willing to give full disclosure. If you had gonorrhea in college, come clean, explain how it happened and that you learned your lesson and never engage in unsafe sex. (I really hope this is true). If you are asked to get a clean bill of health, do it. You have nothing to hide, right? Right?
Waiting to have sex for the first time doesn’t mean you can’t get very physically intimate after a few dates. This is a very good way to see how sex might be with this person. Get the kissing down, learn where he or she likes to be touched, and see if they respect your boundaries. You respect his/her boundaries and don’t pressure anyone to have sex with you if they seem reluctant.
The chances of having great first sex are greatly increased if you get to know the person your dating a lot better before you do the deed. A friend summed it up nicely when he said,” you wait until you know it’s real.”