We fall in love with our partner because they make us feel special. So it comes as a shock when our partner reacts poorly to a kind gesture — especially if we didn’t think that our action was demanding or entitled. The root of these misguided expectations is selfishness. Often, when we read an article on relationship psychology, we assume that our partner should know how we feel. But that’s not the case. Here are ways you’re being selfish in your relationship:
1. You’re not being present at all times in your relationship.
Your partner deserves your full attention when you’re spending time with them, even if it’s just for a few minutes. If you’re constantly checking your phone or thinking about other things when they want to talk, it shows them (and yourself) that they don’t matter as much as whatever is on your screen or in your head
2. You’re not willing to make compromises.
If you’re always putting yourself first, it’s time to re-examine why you’re with your partner. This doesn’t mean that you have to give up everything for them, but if you never compromise, then your relationship is going to suffer. For example, if your partner wants to go out on a date night and you say no because you want to stay home and watch TV instead, then this is selfish behavior on your part. You need to think about your partner’s needs and desires when making decisions. It’s all about balance and compromise.
3. You assume your partner is a mind reader.
If you don’t speak up about what you want or need from your partner, how are they supposed to know? It’s not fair to assume that someone should just know what’s going on in your head and heart. If there’s something on your mind, tell them!
4. You put all the blame on your partner.
You’re taking responsibility for none of your actions and just pointing fingers at your partner instead. That’s not fair to them and it doesn’t help solve anything. A good relationship is based on teamwork, so take some responsibility!
5. Not apologizing when you wrong your partner.
sometimes you screw up and hurt your partner, whether intentionally or not. It’s okay to make mistakes, but the important thing is to own them and apologize for them when they happen. If you can’t admit when you’re wrong, how will you ever be able to learn from your mistakes?
6.Being too jealous or controlling.
There’s a line between being protective of your partner and being jealous or controlling about their actions. For example, if your significant other is really good friends with someone of the opposite sex and tells you about it, don’t get all upset about it or start accusing them of cheating on you or having feelings for that person
7. Not prioritizing your partner’s needs as much as your own.
Everyone has their own demands and desires, and not everyone will have all the time in the world to focus on their partner’s. But if you’re constantly putting yourself first and ignoring those of your significant other, that’s a problem.
8. Trying to change them so they fit your idea of what they should be or who they ought to become.
We all have expectations for our significant others, whether we want to admit it or not. While those expectations can be reasonable, it’s never OK to try to change someone so they fit into those ideals. If you’re with someone you need to change, then maybe being with that person isn’t such a good idea after all.
9. You look for validation in this relationship.
A lot of the time, we look to the people closest to us for validation. This can especially be true in romantic relationships because we want our partners to think we’re great people — and that may include needing them to constantly validate us as such. However, if you’re thinking about how your partner sees you too much or frequently asking for their reassurance, this can cause them undue stress and pressure — especially if they don’t realize this is what’s going on.
10. You don’t communicate your needs effectively…
It’s hard to feel close with someone when we have a lot going on inside ourselves that we’re not sharing with them. And yet, most of us assume that if they really cared, they would guess what we need and provide it without any prompting necessary. But nobody can be mind-readers, and having expectations that your partner should figure out what you need “because they love you” is unrealistic (and unfair). If you want your partner to meet your needs, you have to clearly communicate them.
There is nothing inherently selfish about having a relationship in today’s age. When choosing a partner, it’s easy to be caught up in emotion and passion, but you should make sure that you’re also considering his or her needs along the way. The key to maintaining any healthy relationship is mutual consideration and support.