Have you ever found yourself becoming friends with an online guy, and then have it just continue going nowhere? You get together with him in real life and he’s a massive disappointment. Maybe it’s because you spoke to him on the phone, or maybe it’s because he looks really different in real life – who knows? But there are reasons why they tend to make such great disappointments.
1.He’s too shy.
Online, he can say whatever he wants to you because there is no immediate reaction or repercussions for his actions. But, when you’re face-to-face with someone, it’s a whole different situation. The guy who wrote you such a nice message might not be able to look you in the eyes, let alone speak to you in person. Every person has a different comfort level with how open they can be right away and how much trust needs to be built before someone can truly open up and be their best self. So don’t blame him for being nervous — it just means he really likes you.
2. He’s In A Relationship
This is a big one: Plenty of guys who have girlfriends will put up an online dating profile anyway, either because they know it’s not serious or because it’s easier than saying no when someone asks them out for an app-date. It’s always fun meeting people who are totally in love with their boyfriends…whoops!
3.He never has time for you.
There are a million reasons why he “can’t” meet up with you right now and every excuse is different. But if he’s really into you, he’ll find a way to see you in person. If you’re dating online because you want a relationship and not just sex, don’t let yourself become too attached to someone who isn’t giving you what you want. He may be busy or unavailable — but he’s probably not that into you if meeting up is such an ordeal each time.
4. He acts like a jerk whenever you do meet up with him.
It’s always a bad sign when someone’s online persona is markedly different than their real life one — it means they’re hiding something and that should be treated as a red flag, no matter what the reason may be (whether they’re trying to hide an addiction or just have terrible social skills).
If your online crush gets snippy or short with you in person, just know that his true colors are shining through and it’s clear he’s not the right guy for you! You deserve better than someone who treats you badly, no matter how amazing he seems over text message.
5. He doesn’t understand your dating deal-breakers.
Some guys just aren’t into serious relationships, so they might be looking for something casual (or even discreet) when you’re looking for something long term. Others might have their own deal-breaking habits that they don’t mention before meeting up, like smoking or rude behavior in public.
6.He doesn’t talk about his future with you.
A lot of times when men are interested in someone, they’ll want to know what she sees herself doing five or 10 years down the line. It’s only natural for him to see whether or not your goals align with his and whether he could see himself with you for the long haul. If a man isn’t mentioning anything about your future together at all, then he probably doesn’t see one with you in it.
6.He wants to change you.
He might have liked you online because of your witty way with words and your fun pics, but when you meet face-to-face, he starts trying to change the things that made you so attractive to him in the first place. Maybe he didn’t like your snarky sense of humor or the way you thoughtlessly finish his sentences — whatever it is, this guy may want to re-mold you into someone who fits his idea of perfection.
This is by far the most annoying thing about meeting someone online. When someone seems perfect on paper and then turns out to be super different in real life, it can be kind of disappointing. You spend all this time talking to someone and getting to know them through messaging back and forth, but it never goes anywhere because they don’t act like themselves when you meet up in person.
8.They lie about who they are.
A lot of guys don’t come out right and say, “Hey, I’m a jerk.” They come off as normal and you meet them to find out they’re not who they said they were. Your date ends up being shorter than expected, because you have to leave abruptly after some awkward excuse about needing to take care of something ASAP. (It’s usually because you’ve realized that he’s totally not worth your time.)
9. He only talks about himself
A guy who’s great at texting is not necessarily good at actual conversation. If he seems more interested in telling you about himself than asking you about yourself, take note: he’ll talk about himself on your dates too.
Women who are looking to meet guys online need to have realistic expectations about the process and not get too excited about someone simply because he sounds like he’d be a great guy for them. Men, on the other hand, should strive to create new criteria and standards for women they meet online in order to avoid disappointment when things go wrong.