Relationships are complicated. But I think we can all agree that there are a few things that people in healthy relationships won’t do. Whether you’re single and looking ahead or a relationship veteran, here’s what people in healthy relationships won’t do

1. Talk about each other, rather than to each other.

Communication is a two-way street, and a healthy relationship requires back-and-forth conversation. Do you find yourself talking more about your own feelings than your partner’s? If so, it’s time to switch things up. Try taking turns speaking and listening so that you can empathize with each other and reach solutions together.

2.Overlook the small stuff.

You know what they say: The couple that sweats the small stuff together stays together. It’s easy to get caught up in the big picture, but don’t forget to focus on the little things that make your relationship great, like having an enjoyable time on a date or telling your partner how much you appreciate them. Listing off these daily moments of gratitude will help strengthen your bond as a couple and remind you why you’re with one another in the first place.

3. Threaten to break up if they don’t get their way.

A relationship should never feel like blackmail. If someone demands something from his or her partner and says the relationship is on the line if they don’t get it, they are being manipulative, not loving.

4.Keep secrets, especially those involving money.

Partners should share everything with each other, including their financial obligations and the state of their bank accounts (especially when they’re married). Financial secrets can be deadly to relationships, so keeping them is always a mistake.

5.Have unrealistic expectations of their partner

A healthy relationship is built on a foundation of honesty, vulnerability, and mutual love. If you’re expecting your partner to be your soulmate and fulfill every single one of your needs, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment.

6.Take advantage of their partner.

A healthy relationship is based on equality, not hierarchy, which means you should never feel like you have to “take care” of someone else or that they have to “take care” of you. Instead, it’s about two people who want to be together, who support each other through thick and thin, and enjoy spending time with one another.

7.Micromanage their partner.

You don’t want someone who’s constantly checking in with you or making sure that you’re doing everything exactly how they’d like it done. That kind of behavior can indicate a lack of trust in your relationship — but it also shows a lack of respect for your ability to take care of yourself and make decisions for yourself.

8.They don’t try to change their partner into someone else.

While we all like to believe that we influence each others’ lives positively, a person who tries to change someone else fundamentally is usually just trying to control them instead of respecting them.

9.Use each other as a safety net.

You can be there for each other, but don’t let your partner become your only source of happiness in life. If you do, you’ll be disappointed when they inevitably can’t meet all your needs. Be able to enjoy life on your own, too.

10. Punish their partner with the silent treatment.

When couples don’t feel like they are being heard, they may resort to giving each other the silent treatment as a way to punish their partner or shut down communication altogether.

It may seem self-explanatory, but giving someone the silent treatment is bad because it breeds resentment and negativity. It also doesn’t allow for open communication, which is arguably the most important part of any relationship.

11. Say ‘I love you’ when they’re mad at them.

If your partner wants to open up and talk, but instead you respond with an angry glare, they won’t want to talk to you again. And if you want to share your feelings, but your partner yells at you or gives you a cold shoulder, eventually you’ll stop trying to connect.

12.Make their partner feel like the kid in the relationship.

When a couple is on the same page about their finances and budgeting, life is a lot less stressful. Your partner should have input on major financial decisions, like buying a home or car, and vice versa. You may be the one who writes down all of the family’s bills in one place because that’s how you prefer to keep track of things, but it should all be fair game for discussion.

13.Feel insecure about their relationship status.

Unhealthy relationships often start out in a good place, but bad communication or other underlying issues can cause two people who love each other to turn on each other. One person might start feeling insecure or jealous, and then lash out at the other person for not being attentive enough or not displaying their affection enough (or some other random reason). While it’s normal for someone to feel jealous sometimes, if these feelings are persistent or all-consuming, it could lead to a toxic situation where one person is constantly trying to prove themselves as worthy of the other’s love or attention.

14. Keep score of who did what for who last.

You don’t keep score of who did what for who last. You don’t try to get even or hold a grudge. You don’t withhold sex or affection to punish your partner for something he or she said or did.

15.Make their partner responsible for all the happiness in the relationship.

Happy couples know that they can’t be responsible for each others’ happiness — only their own. If you’re counting on your partner to always make you feel loved or needed, you’re going to be disappointed. A healthy relationship relies on two people feeling whole and fulfilled outside of the partnership. When you find happiness within yourself, your relationships tend to flourish as well.

16. Refrain from talking about the future together.

People in relationships almost always want to know what the future holds for them. They want to know if their partner sees them in the picture, and they have no problem talking about those thoughts and feelings with their partner. They also don’t mind discussing their plans for a future together — whether it’s short-term or long-term.

The number one thing that most people in healthy relationships have (and things they do) is a strong friendship. You and your partner should see each other as friends, first and foremost. From there, everything else will grow and flourish. If you’ve already got this aspect of your relationship down, that’s great- but if not, now’s the time to work at it.